Nothing more in this world that I enjoy than some fine AM radio. Actually, enjoy is being used rather loosely, I was considering just walking home. You see to truly understand my predicament you have to understand my car. I drive a 11 year old car that hasn’t had a single part replaced in 11 years. So naturally my brakes, which have seen everything from 9/11 to Jersey Shore (which is depressing either way you look at it), are beginning to wear out and die. I use the word die because I can’t think of any other reason for the horrid sound they make. Imagine a child in a bath tub of tazers who you are forced to read a story to. The problem is that the only book you have is Twilight and every time to you say “Edward” the tazers all go off at once, and if you don’t read the book word for word you will be hit in the face with a tree going 50mph. It translates to a horrible experience for everyone in the room. This is basically what is going on with my car. So the only thing I can do is try to drown out the sound of the kid in the bathtub of electric horror by playing some music really loudly. Of course my stereo is to goddamn cool for CDs and only reads iPods or a flashdrive through a usb port. Being a man who would like to see nothing more that Steve Jobs get his dick bit off by a Texan with one small pointy tooth I opted for the second solution. However, I just so happen to be fantastically poor (thus explaining why I don’t just fix the damn breaks) and only own one flashdrive. One really shitty flashdrive that has to boot up for some godforsaken reason. So in the transitional time it takes for my flashdrive to boot and that I need to forget about the immeasurable pain I’m causing my car I turn on the radio and hope for the best. Since my anntenna is old enough to say it saw Al Gore run for president it has some issues of it’s own. So after fumbling trying to get an FM signal I normally give up and settle for the first AM station my senile radio can find. This morning when I woke up (i.e. noon) I settled for a local news station. Since I have to try and distract myself from my breaks I end up listening to the weather at 20 decibels, this made for a very interesting experience when a segment called “Cooking for the Family” started. Soon enough an elderly sounding lady was yelling the various thing we would be needing to commence our cooking adventure.
1. one non-stick pan
2. one stick of butter
3. two slices of bread
4. two Craft Singles(C) of American cheese
At this moment it dawned on me as to what she was teaching me to make. A grilled cheese sandwich… fair enough I guess. Upon making this discovery I turned up the radio since there was a stop coming up, and I would rather listen to this lady scream about sandwiches then my brakes. Soon after she finished I had arrived at home, with my eardrums bleeding and my stomach slightly hungrier. Since I’m easily impressionable I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich. However, since I recently turned 19 I have come to realize that my teenage years have been nowhere near rebellious enough and I am running out of time so I need to put on my game face and fuck some shit up. So after grabbing some bread, a piece of cheese, and some margarine I went to my room and proceeded to make a grilled cheese sandwich.
Moral of the story don’t make a grilled cheese sandwich with a butane torch.